Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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