i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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