All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
