I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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