I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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