I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
