i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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