How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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