Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
