$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize