Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
