Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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