my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
