More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
