I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just invented taco cereal.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
