Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
