The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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