i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
