problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
