There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
