too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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