I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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