Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
