Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
