We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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