I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
