he told me I talked like a deaf person
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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