There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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