last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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