i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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