you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
