Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
