Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm at about main and main street
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
