I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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