Cold hands, warm shart.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
