her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
NoShamevember. You game?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
