Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize