we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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