What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
