Plan B is the new Plan A
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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