dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize