I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
