I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
