make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
