Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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