i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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