i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
