You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
