Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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