don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
