So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
