I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
