Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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