Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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