remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
