WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
