so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so let's talk penis.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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