just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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