So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
