You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
