She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
