well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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