It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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