alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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