You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
