I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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