Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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