dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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