I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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