i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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