no you cant smoke seaweed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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