in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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