Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
