On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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