i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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