Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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