I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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