dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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