Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
