just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
