This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
