He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
