So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize