I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
