dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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