I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
