I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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