Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
