I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
