How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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