My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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