i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
