i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
