Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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