i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
