1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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