I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
