So drunk its hurt
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
