u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
