everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
