He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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