piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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