remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
