I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
