im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
