weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
