I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to sanitize my soul.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
