We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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