I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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