Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
