dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
