Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
