We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize