Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
