nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
