they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
